


you gotta let go (i promise i'll catch you)

by mehan kartik (daydreamingstoryteller)



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author says Sorry, Cheese, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, It's a minor plot point shush, Kartik Loves Tony Stark, Kartik Singh is a Tony Stark Stan, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Marvel References, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Couch - Freeform, There's too much cheese at the end, galaga, good god idk what i'm doing, unedited so sorry for mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamingstoryteller/pseuds/mehan%20kartik
Summary: It's TV; it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you, and it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day or phone in a day, and it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with LeVar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will."~Abed Nadir (Community, Series Finale)We are all impacted by the stories that we've grown up with. Be it movies, tv or books. Sometimes what seems irrelevant to someone, might mean the whole world to someone else. This is just a story about how Aman learns to love the things Kartik does, and how they're both brought together by a couple of random Marvel movies.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 41





	you gotta let go (i promise i'll catch you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Enigma3000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigma3000/gifts).



> HOE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 
> 
> _i tried to use all of your top five fanfic tropes, your favourite marvel scenes and dialogue, and your couch, and your headcanons - u literally headcanon-ed your own birthday present good job. but idk if it turned out okay. sorry it's late and filled with mistakes_
> 
> Warning: Too much cheese at the end. Good lord wtf is all this muchy sappy stuff. What Am i even doing? Idk. But god there's so much cheese. Also couch rights belong to Sam i'm just borrowing them for now.

They started out as strangers. As roommates. Just two people in the bustling streets of Delhi that happened to chance upon each other in their time of need.

_ Maybe it was fate? No one knew. But they had met, just like all strangers do.  _

While Kartik had been excited to get to know his roommate, Aman had been more reserved. Not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, he’d kept his distance with Kartik at first. New city, new place, new job. It was a bit overwhelming to him at first. 

Nonetheless, even in the early days, they were very friendly with each other. They’d talk during breakfast that Aman would cook since Kartik could not. 

They’d rant about their bad days at work over dinner and a movie since that was one of the few times they were both at home. 

And they’d also ramble about groceries and annoying best friends and sisters that don’t understand boundaries. 

It was good. It was very good. And slowly, bit by bit, they had become closer. From strangers to roommates, to acquaintances and then slowly friends. 

But then one day, a seemingly offhanded topic had shattered the peaceful atmosphere of the apartment. 

~~~~

It had been Kartik’s turn to pick the movies for movie night, and Kartik had picked Iron Man. The first one. It was his comfort movie after all. 

But that was when the frisson had started. 

He’d had an annoying day at work. His project team was rushing a deadline and he’d had to listen to a colleague get yelled at for playing Galaga instead of working. 

He’d been looking forward to movie night. The Galaga thing at work had him thinking of his favourite comfort movies, and he thought that maybe watching some Marvel would help cheer him up at the end of this long day. 

But instead of it being a comfortable night with his friend - that he was secretly crushing on - it had turned into an unexpected fight. 

“Kartik, kyun? Can we watch something else yar? Please?” Aman whined at the movie that Kartik had picked. 

“Kya?” Kartik asked, turning around to look at Aman in bewilderment. 

“You don't like this movie?” Kartik asked tentatively. He really hoped that wasn’t the case. 

“Haan. Let’s just watch something else na? Like maybe -” Aman started but was instantly cut off. 

“Why don't you?” Kartik asked. He wasn’t that particular about someone liking the same things he did or not, but... Aman was becoming more than just his friend. And fast. 

And to Kartik, these Marvel movies meant so much more than just big blockbuster films. They meant so much to the young Kartik that used to get comic books from his dad as gifts.

Before all the bad had started, Kartik would love to sit with his friends and read comics, and then pretend to be like them. The movies were an extension of that. 

“Kartik leave it be, na? I just don't like it. Let’s watch something else.” Aman whined still. 

“Is it because you don't like Tony Stark? Ok how about some other Marvel movie? You’ve seen them na?” He asks. 

“Kartik, yes I’ve seen some of them but I’d rather not watch them tonight.” Aman sighed, not understanding why Kartik is being adamant. 

“So no Marvel movies? Seriously? What do you have against them?” 

“Why does it matter? Can we just watch something else?” 

“Because it matters to me!” Kartik half yelled. The frustration of the day, combined with the tone that Aman was taking was riling him up. He had been really looking forward to just unwinding at home, but this conversation has not helped him relax at all. 

“Kartik, stop being such a drama queen. I just don’t want to watch some kiddish movie okay? I’ve already watched it once and they’re for kids Kartik. Stop being childish about this.” Aman stated back, in a firm voice He was getting tired of this back and forth. 

Silence draped over the apartment like a big blanket. Aman suddenly felt like he’d crossed some invisible line that he never should have crossed. The expression on Kartik’s face was, for once, closed off. 

Aman couldn’t read anything and guilt seeped through him. Without even knowing why Aman felt like he should apologize. But before he could utter any word, Kartik got up from the rickety old blue couch. 

The couch squeaked at the sudden movement and force. The sound was jarring against the silence and tension in the atmosphere. 

“You know what, I don’t feel like watching anything tonight. You can watch whatever you want Aman. I’m going to sleep.” Kartik said, and doesn’t wait for a reply. 

Kartik’s bedroom door slammed shut a minute later. 

  
  


~~~~

After that, they didn’t go back to normal. They could not. 

Aman tried to get Kartik to open up to him again, but Kartik went out of his way to avoid Aman. In a turn of events, it was now Aman that tried to get closer to Kartik but Kartik was shutting him out.    
  


Aman wished he knew why. He knew that Kartik loves his movies and references. He doesn’t go a day without quoting an Amitabh Bachan line. 

But Aman didn’t think that he would have been be this affected by whatever it was that Aman had done; whatever he had said. 

So he tried to give Kartik space, still tried to get him to talk during their breakfast, dinners etc. Slowly bit by bit, Kartik had returned to being friendly with Aman over the weeks that followed. 

Yet, the ease and comfortable silence that once resided in that apartment were gone. 

Over the weeks, Kartik could see that Aman was trying. He knew that Aman didn’t even know what was wrong but was still trying to make it right. 

But no matter how much Kartik knew that in his head, the wounds that Aman’s words had caused in his heart were not healing as fast. 

It would have been fine if Aman had just not liked the Marvel movies. It would have been fine if that was all that had happened that day. A small fight. 

But Aman had unknowingly hit on one of the topics that meant a whole lot of emotional pain to Kartik. He’s called him, and the movies, childish. Kartik couldn’t handle that. 

He’d spent all his life, trying to cling onto whatever semblance of a childhood he could. The movies and the comics were something that was untainted by the horrors of what had happened in his reality. 

They were a solace when he needed hope. A beacon of happiness in otherwise, dreary and lonely days. And the fact that he’s had many other people also throw those words at him as insults before?

It hurt Kartik more than he imagined it would. 

It also served as a wake-up call. He knew he had a crush on Aman. But he didn’t know just how deep his feelings for Aman had gone until his words hurt him more than he had anticipated. 

It hurt more coming from Aman because Kartik had started to care for him more than just a friend. More than as a roommate. 

So the emotional turmoil of that one night confused him so much that he’d needed space from Aman. The weeks that went by, they managed to get back some of that normalcy, that comfortability. 

Yet, the tension still stayed dormant, underneath every light hug, every tentative smile. They never did movie night again in the months that followed but found other things to do. 

The topics of movies were shelved indefinitely and they filled those nights and conversations with those of board games, talks of family, work gossip and more. 

And unknowingly, their hearts started to open up more and more to each other. They started being more in tune with one and other, as they each fell hard and fast for each other. 

~~~~

Aman was the one that realized it first. Realized that over the course of the months that went by, Aman had slowly but surely fallen in love with Kartik. 

With the Kartik that loved life more than anyone else he’d ever seen. The Kartik that would always smile when he saw something new or interesting even when they were walking down the streets. 

The Kartik that would never miss a phone call from Aman’s cousins, because he had loved talking to them that first time. 

He realized he’s fallen in love with a person that puts all of his love into anything he is interested in. And that’s also when he realized that he’d majorly fucked up. 

He never really apologized that night. After that comment that made Kartik get defensive. Even after almost a year of knowing each other, that was the only time that Aman had seen Kartik like that. 

So Aman knew that he needed to make up for it. He personally didn’t care much about the Marvel movies. He didn’t know why that was a problem for him that day, because he was mostly indifferent to them. 

If anyone asked, he’d say he was a casual watcher. However, they obviously mean so much more to Kartik. Aman understood that now. 

And even if Kartik never becomes anything more than a friend, he was still the bestest friend Aman had. He loves Kartik - not just as a romantic partner but as a genuine friend too. He could be himself around Kartik and be comfortable with him. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes how much Kartik does for him. 

Kartik has always understood his more shy and reserved nature, and never questioned his odd habits such as listening to the rain, making chai and Maggi at midnight, and always having mummy call him every other week. Other people would tease him for the last one, but Kartik never did. 

He would always smile, even though it was a sad one, and let Aman talk to his family. He only ever really talked to Goggle and Keshav when they called. 

Aman realizes that Kartik had always accepted his quirks no matter how many other people found it weird. Yet, Aman didn't afford Kartik the same courtesy. 

It made him feel like shit. 

So Aman knew he had to make it up to him. 

Also, Keshav and Rajni had really drilled home that point too when he explained the situation to them on their last phone call. 

So if he didn’t pull through, his brother and sister would tear him up. They loved Kartik almost as much as he did. 

But even after realizing that he has to apologize, Aman didn’t know how to. So he kept stalling, trying to find the right time, until one night where the opportunity fell into his lap when he was least expecting it. 

~~~~

Aman liked to stay up late into the night on weekends, just sitting on the balcony, writing, or musing on things. It was one of those nights when he was sitting at the kitchen and drinking chai when he heard Kartik’s door open. 

Kartik is rarely ever up at night, or if he is, Aman had not noticed it much. Thay night however, Aman was awake and noticed Kartik was too. 

He asked Kartik what’s wrong, and the answer he got wasn't a proper one. Kartik mumbled something or other about headaches, and not being able to sleep. 

  
So Aman offered to make some hot chocolate for Kartik - his favourite drink, and suggested that maybe they can watch a movie. 

This was the first time they’d be watching a movie together since that night. Aman thought that maybe he fucked up but before he could retract the offer, Kartik asked in a small voice, if they could watch some Marvel movies. 

Aman instantly felt better that Kartik hadn’t immediately turned the offer down and agreed. They brought out some blankets from their rooms, some pillows and made a semi pillow fort on their couch. 

The couch wasn’t that new or big. It was a small little thing, with blue leather that’s been worn from years of use. It was not the most comfy one too, nor spacious. But Aman and Kartik manage to make it work, by placing tons of pillows on it, and curling up on either end, with their feet barely touching each other. 

They decided to watch just the Avengers movies, the first one and the last two. Kartik had insisted on skipping the second one and Aman did not have the heart to say no to anything Kartik had wanted. 

So there they sat on that couch, covered in blankets, with their drinks in their hands and sharing some warmth in the cold night, as the avengers fought a bunch of aliens in new york.

Aman wasn’t fully concentrating on the movie though. He was more focused on Kartik beside him. Only halfway through the first movie, and Kartik has already fallen asleep. 

Aman gently took away the mug in his hand and rearranged the blanket around Kartik, as he went back to watching the movie. His attention was more on Kartik, but he did find the movies fairly engaging. 

Sometime through the start of the third movie, Endgame, Aman noticed that Kartik was twisting around under his blankets. Aman noticed Kartik’s tossing and turning. He even thought he heard soft moans of pain coming from him. 

Worried about Kartik, Aman tried to gently nudge him awake. But the moment his hand falls on Kartik’s shoulder, Kartik shoots up from the couch, almost in terror. 

  
He accidentally hits himself on the side of the couch and topples out from it onto the floor. The mug that had been there cuts into his arm as it shatters under the weight of Kartik. 

Aman almost jumped out of his state of shock and rushed to Kartik’s side. He offhandedly noted the tears that made their way down Kartik's face as he gently held on to Kartik like he would a baby. 

Kartik’s eyes were still not focusing on Aman. Aman realized it was an anxiety attack. His heart broke at the sight of Kartik like this. 

He had never seen him this broken. Kartik, it seemed, had hidden that part of him all this time. Aman wanted to cry internally because just that confused and scared look on Kartik’s face is too painful for him to bear. 

He wraps his arms around the still shivering body of his love and with all the care in the world, pulls him up onto the couch. The couch creaks again under their weight. But it slowly helps to pull Kartik out from the clutches of his own mind. 

“Aman?” Kartik whispered into the still night. 

“I’m here Kartik. Main hoon na? It’s okay. You’re okay.” Aman whispered into his ear, as he placed Kartik down on the pillows. He put a pillow under Kartik’s head to support him, and slowly moved to untangle himself from the other man. 

“No. Please.” A whimper escaped Kartik as he latched onto Aman’s arm that had stopped moving away. “Don’t let go.”

Aman’s eyes started to sting. The pain he heard in Kartik’s voice is like a stab wound to his heart. He noticed that Kartik’s breathing is still laboured. He went back to holding Kartik and shushed him quietly as he recalled some breathing techniques. 

His calm voice was like a lifebuoy to Kartik. He concentrates on the even counting and the softness and love pouring from Aman’s honey-sweet voice, pulling him to shore. 

Once his breathing got back to normal, Aman promised Kartik to be back soon before leaving to go get the first aid kit. The mug had shattered and there were now scratches and injuries on Kartik’s arm. 

Aman moved fast, and within a minute he was back again on the couch, cleaning up Kartik’s injuries. Kartik did not focus on what Aman was doing, as much as he stared at the wall in front of him. 

Tears are still falling down his eyes and the images of the nightmare replay in his mind. Aman had finished taking care of Kartik’s injuries and puts away the box. 

He looked at this man in front of him and desperately wanted to make him smile again but doesn't know how. He doesn’t even know how to bring up the conversation on what had just happened here. 

He had never seen Kartik this bad. In fact, he hadn’t even known that he had violent nightmares like this. Because Aman knows what it was. 

Kartik never needed to tell him something for Aman to understand his emotions. Aman might not have known Kartik had nightmares, but seeing it for the first time was enough to make Aman understand it for what it was. 

And as Aman looks at the sullen, and teary face of this man that he’s come to love, his own tears start to fall.

He teared up at the thought of the love of his life having to go through whatever trauma he has all alone. For all these years. 

If Kartik had managed to hide this from Aman, his  _ roommate _ , then.... was there anyone else who knew? 

“How long Kartik?” Aman finally asked in a whisper. 

As if being broken from a trance, Kartik’s eyes wandered to Aman’s. He felt guilty for putting that sad and destroyed look on Aman’s face. 

He wants to undo the past hour but he can’t. He could only repay Aman’s kindness with honesty. So he musters up the courage to tell Aman the truth. 

“Bachpen se.” He croaked, his voice still hoarse from the silent screams and tears. 

And whatever sense of peace Aman had left, leaves at those words. Aman did the only thing he could, and he moved forward to wrap Kartik up in his arms. 

He was hugging Kartik and holding onto him. Trying to shower him with the love he had and yet was too afraid to say out loud. 

He hoped he could show Kartik everything that he wanted to say in that one hug. 

He wanted to tell him he’d never had to do it alone again. The nightmares, the sleepless nights, the relieving trauma. Never again. Not alone. 

He wanted to hold him every night as he sleeps to keep him safe. 

He wanted to be awake every time his demons haunt him at night. 

To hold him and remind him that that’s not all he is. To remind him that he will never be reduced to just his pains and struggles because Aman sees past that. 

He wanted to remind him of all the amazing things that radiate off of Kartik at every turn. The happiness, the zest for life, the sheer hope that gives off. 

Aman wants to keep reminding him of that every single day. 

But he can't. 

All he could do was just hold his  _ friend _ and help him get through a nightmare. Through the aftermath of one. 

Only... only to go back to separate beds tomorrow night and leave Kartik alone to the whims of a once broken and still healing mind and heart. 

He swallowed all of those emotions and words back into his heart. Now wasn’t the time. He did not know if he would ever get the courage to say any of these things but even if he did. He couldn’t do it right now. 

Not when Kartik was vulnerable. 

So he pushed down the love and pain that was threatening to overflow and pulled himself away from the hug. 

He hoped that Kartik felt better somehow. But, Kartik felt like shit.

He felt queasy and slightly ashamed. He had just embarrassed himself in front of Aman. He never wanted Aman to know about any of this. He had hidden it so well. But not anymore. 

He’s sitting here, with dried tear tracks all over, and hurt. All from a nightmare of his childhood. 

He feels like he’s destroyed whatever good image Aman had of him. And it hurts him more than the pain of the cuts or the nightmare because this is Aman. 

His love. His best friend. 

If Aman had no romantic interest in him before tonight, now Kartik is sure that nothing like that could ever happen anymore. 

He connected with Aman’s own wet eyes, that seem to shine with a multitude of emotions. He wasn’t able to bear the way they looked straight through him so he turned away. 

His eyes land on the tv, and the movie. It’s paused at the exact moment of Tony with Pepper. The endgame scene where Pepper runs to hug Tony as he’s coming down from the ship. 

The hug that Pepper has on Tony reminds Kartik of just mere moments ago when Aman had held onto him with an intensity that no one else has done before. 

_ “When I drift off, I’ll be thinking about you. It’s always you.”  _

The words from an earlier scene come uninvited to Kartik’s mind. But what really preoccupied him, and even distracted him from the panic of the night’s events is the realization. 

He thinks back to just before he closed his eyes. To the moment when he was at the cusp of falling asleep. 

He remembered being pressed into Aman’s side, as he had sleepily fallen onto the other man. He remembered... Aman holding him. 

What had he been thinking of? Right before falling asleep? 

Aman’s hands in his hair...Aman’s presence around him like a cocoon. Aman’s warmth. 

He thought back to how he woke up and how...his first thought had been one of Aman. Even through the haze of a nightmare-induced anxiety attack, his first thought had been Aman. 

He recalled every night, and every time ...he thinks of Aman before falling asleep. 

“It’s you.” He whispers. “It's always you.”

He didn’t realize that Aman had heard him until Aman asked him what he meant. The realization hits him like a sack of bricks and Kartik freaks a little. 

“Why are you quoting movie lines now?” Aman asked, with a slight chuckle that betrays the tears in Aman’s own voice. “Kartik stop with the references and tell me if you're okay na? Please. You’re scaring me.” Aman begged. 

“References,” Kartik notes. 

Kartik had two ways out. He could take the easy way out and lie and say yes he was referencing things or be brave and admit. Admit to what he hasn't even fully understood until that very moment. 

Admit out loud to Aman that he’s special. That Kartik loves him. That Aman is the one that makes him feel safe and cherished. 

Admit that he can’t imagine this life without Aman by his side. 

Admit to Aman that he’s the only person that Kartik really truly has in his life. 

He doesn’t know if he wants to admit it. He’s terrified of the consequences. He knows he can’t handle the change it would bring. 

But looking at the way Aman is looking at him now, Kartik knew he had to confess. If he didn’t do it now, he would never do it. Besides, after all, that Aman had done for him tonight, Kartik owed him this at least. 

Owed him his honesty. Aman deserves to know. Even if that meant the end of their friendship. 

Without looking at Aman, Kartik finds the strength in him to confess. His voice is soft, barely as loud as it usually is. But in the silence of their apartment, it echoes through the walls. 

“I love you.” 

Silence continues. Kartik clenches his eyes shut and everything else spilled out like a pandora’s box. 

“It’s always you Aman. I fall asleep, I drift off and I'm always dreaming of you. You’re the one that keeps me going. You make me get back up every time I falter. I know we’ve only known each other for less than a year or so but....” Kartik falters here. The next part feels too much, too revealing, but.. He’s come this far. 

“but.. it feels like you're my Pepper. I feel like I've known you and loved you for ten years.”

His eyes remain clenched shut. His heart’s pounding louder than anything he’s ever heard. He hates the silence. Because it only reminds him that he’s laid his heart out to bare and nothing has happened.    
  


He started to apologize immediately. He opens his eyes but stares at the ground. Afraid of what he might see in Aman’s eyes, he keeps his eyes on the floor and spews out apologizes after apologizes. A hand on his face stops him. 

Aman holds him by the chin and gently tips his head up, to look at Aman’s own eyes. 

Aman had moved closer to him, Kartik realized. Aman’s eyes search his face, for something. Kartik doesn’t want to dwell on it for long. 

He waits for Aman to say something. 

“How long Kartik?” 

Hesitantly, Kartik replies, “A few months. Maybe.”

“Why didn't you tell me sooner Kartik?” Aman asked, in a tender voice that Kartik had never heard Aman use before. “If you've felt like this for a long time...”

“I don't want you to leave and...I didn't want things to change.” 

“Kartik...”

“Our friendship, our living arrangement, the way we’re so comfortable around each other. I can’t lose them Aman. You’re the only one I have that knows me, like this. If I had told you things would change.” 

“But now...”

“I.. I’m still scared, Aman. I never want things to change. This life I have here with you, it’s what makes me feel like I have a home. I can't handle it if it goes away.  _ I don't have anyone but you. _ ” 

Aman doesn’t pull away like Kartik expected him to. Instead, Aman moved closer to Kartik now. He takes Karik’s face in his hands, gently cupping his face, and forcing Kartik to look right at Aman. 

“You are so wrong on many levels,” he starts, “but you did get one thing right. Our living arrangements are going to change.”

Kartik tries so hard not to burst out crying at that, but before he could even sob, he feels Aman’s hand bruising away the stray tears that are falling down his cheeks. 

“Because you’re an idiot if you think I can go on letting you sleep by yourself when I now know I’m allowed to sleep by your side. On your bed. Every night. Taking care of the love of my life.”

Kartik opens the eyes that he hadn't even known he’d shut. He looks at Aman in wonder and shock. 

_ Did he really say that? _

“Love... the love of your life?” He croaks out like a plea and a wish at the same time. 

Instead of giving a verbal answer, Aman shows Kartik how much he loves him. The hands that were already caressing Kartik’s face, pulled Kartik in closer to his own. 

Their lips touch briefly, as Aman leans his forehead onto Kartik’s. They stay like that for a while, sharing each other’s breaths, as Aman searches Kartik’s face. 

Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it, as the next second Aman was kissing Kartik with all the love that he had pushed down for months. Everything that he’d thought he’d never get to express to Kartik, rushes out in a wave. 

Aman’s hands didn't let go of Kartik’s face, as he moved closer to Kartik, and up onto his lap. Kartik for his part, let Aman do what he wanted and wrapped his arms around Aman -in a mimicry of the hug from just before. 

They kiss until Aman accidentally manages to make Kartik topple backward onto the couch. Kartik ends up with his back on the couch and Aman lying on top of him. 

Kartik hisses, as the bandages on his arm from the cuts tear from the jolting. Aman immediately pulls himself up and looks at the arm. He gets the box again and wordlessly starts to re-wrap the wounds. Cleaning them patiently. 

All Kartik can do is stare at this amazing human being that he’s been so lucky to have met. He keeps his eyes focused on Aman. He still doesn’t know if this is just a dream or real. 

Kartik wished it was real, but the insecure part of his mind keeps telling him that maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Aman didn’t mean any of it. It was just a kiss. 

_ Does he really love me?  _ Kartik’s mind wondered, as his eyes bore into Aman’s figure, still sitting by his side and cleaning his wounds. 

And yet, as if Aman had somehow heard the unspoken question, Aman whispered into the space between them, without taking his eyes off of what he’s doing. 

“You’re all I have too, you know.”

When Aman finally finished rewrapping the bandages and looked up, he was met with the most heartbreakingly beautiful sight. His Kartik was looking up at him as if he held the whole universe in his hands. As if he was the moon, the sun, and the stars. 

Aman’s breath got caught in his throat at the look he was receiving from Kartik. He didn’t know if it was what he had said, or done, but he knew that he wanted Kartik to keep looking at him like that forever. 

Kartik’s eyes held wonder and awe, even though tears were falling down his face from the overwhelming events of that night. 

Aman’s own smile and eyes turned watery as Kartik pulled Aman up to the couch proper, and proceeded to snuggle into Aman’s arms. 

Words didn’t need to be said, for everything was understood in those few glances and touches. So Kartik just snuggled into his own personal cocoon of warmth that was Aman’s arms, and a hideous mustard hoodie. 

Aman just looked down at the lump of Kartik pressed against his side, and leaned down to press a small forehead kiss to his hair. He wasn’t ever letting this beautiful ray of sunshine go. 

And that was how they spent the rest of the hour. 

Curled up into each other’s embrace, they spent the next hour just listening to each other’s words of comfort and pain. Kartik found the courage to finally open up to Aman about the nightmares. 

He never explained in detail - they weren’t there yet, but he talked. He talked about his childhood. His father, the good memories that are fewer than the bad ones. 

He talks about the beatings in a voice that evokes more tears from Aman than it does from Kartik. He whispers into Aman’s ears about the only good thing he had to hold on to. 

The childhood, childish dream of heroes and comic books. He talks about why he loves Amitabh Bachan, the Marvel movies, the outlandish love songs that he loves to sing. 

He talks and talks as tears seep from his eyes into Aman’s hoodie. He feels Aman’s own tears falling onto his hair as he feels feather-light kisses on the crown of his head. He hears the soft apologies coming from the very man that had just promised to love him forever. 

His eyes wander from Aman to the tv, when he talks about exactly how much comfort he gets from these Marvel movies. 

He keeps his eyes rooted at the screen of Pepper and Tony in each other’s arms, as he talks about how much of himself he sees in the story of an orphaned kid with daddy issues that has everything yet nothing. 

And as each tear falls, there’s a matching tear from Aman, and a soft kiss to go with it. At the end of everything, Kartik ends up exhausted, still in Aman’s arms. 

Aman still continued to whisper sweet nothings in Kartik’s ear and continued to shush him and hold him tight. Aman wants to never even let this man doubt for a single moment that he is loved. 

But soon, even Aman gets tired and exhausted. It’s been a long night, and thank god it was Friday. Aman looks at the sleepy Kartik in his arms and tries to nudge him a little. He thinks that maybe they should both sleep but, he doesn’t know if Kartik can sleep after this. 

“Baby, it’s very late. What do you want to do? Sleep or continue-”

“I...I don't think I can finish watching this movie again.” Kartik says, glancing at the half-finished movie that’s still there on the screen. “ I can't Aman. It’ll... It’ll hurt too much.”

“Hey hey it’s okay. See, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Aman reassures him. “We can watch it again another time or never again. What’s important to me is you babu. Okay?” 

Kartik shoots Aman a grateful look and nods. Aman shifts, trying to get up slowly. 

“Let’s get you to bed. Your bed is bigger than mine so we can sleep there.” Aman says, trying to get Kartik to untangle himself from Aman’s own body. 

Kartik gives him another slightly surprised look. “You’re not leaving to sleep in your own bed?” He asks. 

Aman’s smile dips a little, as he takes in just how worn and tired Kartik is tonight. His heart aches at the very pain that his Kartik has had to go through. He once again pushes his forehead against Kartik’s own, as if just by that one action, he’ll transfer all his love to Kartik. 

“I just got handed the best thing I've been searching for my whole life. Tum sach mein pagal ho agar toh socha tha mai tumse chodenga.” 

And for the first time that night, Kartik’s smile really reaches his eyes. Seeing that Aman got his point across, Aman tried to get up to leave.    
  
Kartik didn’t let him. 

“No. Can we sleep here tonight? In our own Milano?” Kartik asks, a small blush creeping onto his face. 

“Milano? Are you Peter Quill now?” Aman banters back, finally happy that some of that usual Kartik playfulness is seeping through. 

“No Aman, that’s not what I - wait. You know the Guardians and yet you don't know Doctor Strange?” Kartik exclaims. 

“Benedict Cumberbatch is weird. I rest my case. Also, stop deflecting.” Aman retorts. This feels normal to him. He’d take normal for now. After the long night, they needed something fun. 

“Okay, fair point. And what was I saying? Uh OH YES!” Kartik exclaims, and then proceeds to look anywhere else but at Aman. 

“Kartik?”

“No I didn't name the couch Milano cus of that I just...” he hesitates. “Promise you won't laugh?”

Aman smiles softly. “You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

“No! No, I want to. It’s just. It’s silly.” 

“Whatever it is, I promise I won’t think that it's silly.” 

Kartik still hesitated but when he realized that he'd already bared his heart to Aman, the last nth of hesitation fell away. 

“Ok, so... realized that you were it for me because I fell asleep thinking of you na? This couch was where I realized I loved you and... it was because of that one scene from Endgame.”

“Kartik?” Aman doesn’t fully know where this is going, but his heart just flutters at what he’s already hearing. 

“I named the couch Milano because that’s where Tony was in. When he said that message to Pepper.  When he said that he’ll always be thinking about her. And this couch is where I realized that that’s who you are for me Aman. It’s always you. It’s been you for a long time now. And this is where I was when I realized that. So-”

Before Kartik could even finish, he had Aman in his arms and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. 

Aman just couldn’t help himself. How did he manage to get the sweetest, dorkiest, and the most adorable ray of sunshine to love him? He doesn't know. 

But what he does know is that Kartik deserves the entire universe, and Aman promised to himself that he’ll remind Kartik of that, every single day. 

For now, though, he figured he’ll just start with kissing the living daylights out of him. So he does. 

**Author's Note:**

> SAM! you're a hoe but also my devil child and i can't believe how well we both vibe and galaxy brain together (POLO)!! Always knew of you cus of Marvel fandom but this was the fandom that brought us closer as friends and like, i literally went on an adoption spree this is crazy. OK BUT YES! from late night kartik angst to goa, we've pulled so much shit. YOU'RE STILL A HOE AND I'LL STILL BULLY YOU ALL THE TIME BITCH but HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 
> 
> (also huge thanks to shreya and sargun for helping me edit as i was rushing this and dhanya for always being a huge motivation with your words and comments <3)


End file.
